December 2011
i did not at all realise how long that would be. i feel exhausted now. tonight isn’t the kind of night that can be slept through though. it’s worth too much.
31/12/2010 isn’t all of it, but it’s a lot.
Anonymous asked: fuck
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WARNING: the following is nightmare I and contains events that may be disturbing to some.
it had been raining not half an hour before the students arrived and took their places on the damp soil in a designated lot. their pants would be covered with wet dirt when asked to stand up again. each allocated role was presented on a card that smelt of cheap perfume and a disguise decided by uneducated...
oh i think i’m going to be sick. oh hallelujah today is the day oh hallelujah.
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
holy balls, i found the sketch book i used for writing when i was about 8 and there are the weirdest things in there. one page is filled with all these brainstorms about witchcraft including a diagram wherein i wrote “spiritual world”, “parallel” and “mortal world” in 3 of the corners (i’m not sure why, there are squiggles and arrows and whatnot, but i...
i’ll be seeing you / billie holiday
happily...
after gradually increasing the amount of push-ups i do daily i can now do 60 in a set before i have to rest (baring in mind that i was in the hospital for a quarter of the day today). these muscle exercises/preparations are making whatever fears i had of the unfamiliar a lot less prominent. baby steps.
you don’t even remember, do you?
high enough ATAR for universitibble, so i am content with life at the moment. celebratory drinking of milk is in order i believe.
i’m going to be 100% open for a moment. i don’t know who will read this or whether it will matter in the slightest, but i need to get it down. i need it to be known, even if it’s just to articulate my thoughts for my own benefit. i’m not putting this in a read more post. do read it. don’t read it. i don’t care whatsoever.
i’ve had consecutive nightmares...
i swear i’ve gone mad with anticipation because after receiving my results i was convinced that i only got 30 or something as my ATAR (exaggeration, shudup) but after calculating a vague guesstimation i think it’s somewhere between 87 and 94 so i really should calm down but i still can’t and now i’m exhausted from having a panic attack but feel kind of silly because...
can’t access atar. i guess i’ll listen to lots of radiohead and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a bit.
you’re not really an insomniac, it’s 12:21AM. maybe i sound conceited but c’mon.
Anonymous asked: so are you christian or catholic or?
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i don’t want to be a cat. i’d much prefer to be a mongoose or something. if i were a cat then everyone would be touching me all the time and who the balls would want that? so i’ll marry the first person who teaches me all about mongooses (maybe) even though i could very easily wikipedia a brief detail of what mongooses do/eat/think/say, but i’m eating assorted fruits and...
i want to have control over my dreams. i want the nightmares to stop.
click here. it’s like every dystopian novel i’ve ever read or film i’ve ever watched is slowly unravelling into a reality.
“the thought police would get him just the same. he had committed - would have committed, even if he had never set pen to paper - the essential crime that contained all others in itself. thoughtcrime, they called it. thoughtcrime was not a thing that...
i’d like to do the whole “like this and i’ll rate you” thing and when people like it i would write on their walls “$2 p/h” because they evidently crave affection so their rates would have to be rather low.
me: they seemed like a sweet couple
mum: what if they thought we were a couple?
me: i wouldn't date you
mum: why not?!
me: well for starters you're 34 years old and my mother
mum: both valid points
me: and i'm more inclined to date someone who writes poetry -
mum: i can write poetry
me: - and listens to the smiths -
mum: i like the smiths
me: mum, i'm not going to date you
my granddad is shouting at the tv screen words like “abhorrent!” and “it’s got to be a t!” and i’m unsure what’s on or why he’s yelling like that but he’s getting himself far too worked up and i’m trying to play civilization in peace. the best part is that he’s simultaneously playing blues grass on guitar.
edit: a new edition is...
god. ok, i want a bath. i want a really, really big bath to sleep in every night because i don’t want to keep lying on the floor pretending i’m in a really big bath. i will live there.
yes! all christmas present hunts have been successful thus far. the only 2 left to buy are the ones for seb and andy, but i’m relatively sure i know what to get them and where to get it. our little christmas/new years celebration is going to be excellent. i’m brainstorming ideas on how to make a really, really little tree.
i know come 1:00PM on christmas i’m going to receive a...
mix cd’s all ‘round. ho ho ho.
Anonymous asked: Who's your favourite of the Beatles?
one of my mum's nicknames for me is klaus.
i had forgotten how much fun i can have with people who i used to go to school with. for the most part i associate high school with too much drama, an avoidance of socialising and reading on the staircase platform, but now that the conflict of cliques and who’s-fucking-who has more or less subsided/become less of a conversational topic, it’s a lot nicer to just sit out the back of...
tonight is really fucking empty.
Anonymous asked: Are you into anyone?
perfect day / lou reed
i don’t think i have ever wanted to punch someone straight in the throat as much as i do right now. i’m generally not a violence-as-a-solution kind of person, but this woman is making my skin crawl.
holy shit the sunrise was unbelievable, full of warm colours as opposed to the general cool tones i seem to see every morning these days. being an insomniac is a beautiful thing when you get to experience these kinds of aspects of the universe and when you get to feel really connected to everything.
edit: it may also have something to do with the hour or so long conversation i had with my friend...
i need somebody to talk to right now, but more so i think i need somebody who knows how to listen and won’t throw menial words back at me. i appreciate everyone who has ever taken time out of their lives to offer any kind of support, but 90% of the advice i am given is bits and pieces i know have been taken from experienced tv shows rather than personal insight, and that’s not what...
in the 15 or so minutes it took for me to eat dinner i found out when my grandma, great grandma and great great grandma all lost their virginities. i, uh, i guess this is necessary information -
i can still feel being shot in the chest by my mother. i do not want to be here.
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in every heart there is a room a sanctuary safe and strong to heal the wounds from lovers past until a new one comes along
i spoke to you in cautious tones you answered me with no pretense and still i feel i said too much my silence is my self defense
and every time i’ve held a rose it seems i only felt the thorns and so it goes, and so it goes and so will you soon i suppose
but if my...
i guess the thing to do now is listen to and so it goes by billy joel on repeat.
this is bat country
